THE MULTI STORY BARD BARK.
(Any names, events, or places that are similar by name, event or by place existing in the real universe outside of this story, is purely and totally coincidental. It is, in fact, the wishes of the author to make fiction from the imagination and raw material of experience.)
Last night my friend Rice and I were both feeling pretty restless while waiting for some weed to arrive, twiddling our thumbs, when Joe said, let’s go down to the multi-story and get something going, come on Rice, tonight’s the night, tonight’s the night, maybe the last one for 25 P beers, and 1 pound 69 p cider providers. Cheers on toast bro’
—Alright Joe, let’s go get em’.
We blacked up in our Ninja suits and set out the door with a night vision camera, a black bag of stainless tools and some gold spray paint. We arrived at the scene of the demolishment from out of the housing estate opposite, pausing behind a speed camera box before sprinting across the road up to the metal fence.
—Look, them crafty bustids have installed cameras all around the perimeter, Joe said, if we is gonna’ get in there we must be over that fence as fast as a cat running from a pellet gun.
—So on three, I said, shaking from a little nervous pang burrowing into my guts. A feeling I had felt before when breaking and entering, painting trains, robbing banks and crossing international boarders without the correct papers.
And we hoisted ourselves up over the fence and dropped the other side into a pile of concrete and metal supports that looked like a large slabs of nugget fudge pierced by mint chocolate matchsticks. We scuttled off into the crumbling 8 story car park with our night vision goggles that Joe had nicked from his uncle Charles who was currently in the Royal Marines.
—Let’s have a look at the stair well, Joe said, maybe we can get up to the top that way rather than walking the route that the vehicles take, what do you think mate. Joe paused and then stopped walking, his attention shifted to a square man-hole cover next to what looked like a man hole.
—Hey Rice, looky what we have here, a god damned man hole hidden beneath the first layer of tarmac, I reckon we should take a peak. Joe said, alreading on his knees peering down into the hole.
—I dunno Joe, maybe we should drop our pieces first and investigate this hole afterwards I said.
And with that we prepared two large areas of wall with some white primer and threw up our latest ideogrammic equations over the next 40 odd minutes after which we rolled a nice joint and photographed the room with the new decorations that together elucidated the cosmological constant first intuited by Einstein himself, fulfilling their general guiding principle: Language versus the equation.
After sharing a pretty strong joint they packed up their cans neatly and moved back to where the hole descended into the floor. Joe looked at me, smiled and then clambered feet first down into the top rim of the hole, dangling his feet below trying to find some support.
—Yep, there’s something here Rice, another step or something, maybe we should drop an illuminated glow-stick down here and get a better idea of how far it goes down.
Rice cracked a glow-stick open and dropped it into the hole, they both watched it fall for about 20 seconds before it stopped at the bottom, or got tangled up in something. Pretty deep, I said, this looks like a proper entry to the sewer system I reckon, let’s get down there.
I climbed down after Joe and we descended the metal ladder into the dark damp silence, my heart racing like the clappers. Roughly 20 meters down the hole there was another large pipe with some wool hanging from its sharp rusty edges, we stepped into the pipe and moved down towards a light source someway in the distance.
—We must have been walking about 50 meters by now, I guess, which would put us roughly under the Crystal leisure centre. Yeah that must be the source of the light source ahead, I said.
We came to another opening that led up a large stone step into a room from where voices could be heard. Men and women’s voices in what sounded to me like a jolly mood. We paused for a moment and looked at each other with a terrified stare, eyes white, skin pale.
—Shall we enter like we were invited then? I asked. Um, yeah, good plan man, Rice said. But maybe we’ll be getting into trouble for nothing, I said with second thoughts. First thought best thought, Rice said while pushing the door open.